


Guardian Angel

by katesibuna



Category: House of Anubis
Genre: Grief, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:35:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27894655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katesibuna/pseuds/katesibuna
Summary: Trigger warning- miscarriage.Patricia Williamson has lost everything, her heart is shattered and she can't deal with anyone. Her secret cannot be kept forever.
Relationships: Eddie Miller/Patricia Williamson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Guardian Angel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [victorselixir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/victorselixir/gifts), [Lonelylittleloser](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonelylittleloser/gifts).



> Trigger warning miscarriage. I had this idea for a long time and I just wanted it to be via Patricia. This is such a heartbreaking situation for anyone to ever be in and it's honestly not talked about enough, I hope I have handled it respectfully.

Patricia Williamson had never felt or been so broken in all of her life. She had been through a lot in her 24 years on Earth, being kidnapped, being cursed by a creepy Egyptian spirit, losing her soul and breaking up with Eddie. But nothing compared to this. No words would ever be able to describe the heart wrenching pain and relentless guilt she felt. 

She had just gotten home from the hospital after being in a mild car accident, she only went to be careful- she had a few scrapes and bruises, but you have to be extra careful when you’re pregnant. And she was. She was. She had gone to the hospital thinking she would be told everything was fine. But everything wasn’t fine. Patricia didn’t think anything would ever be fine again. Only darkness, only pain- always something missing.  
The moment she was told, and the nurse’s words kept playing over and over in her head,

“I’m sorry Miss Williamson, there’s no heartbeat- the baby didn’t make it…” the nurse said with a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.  
The nurse had continued to speak, but after that, Patricia only heard noise. The World was quiet for her, it had stopped turning- it would never start again. Her baby was dead. Dead. She hadn’t cried yet, she couldn’t. Patricia couldn’t and it made her furious. Her baby was dead and she was so heartless that she couldn’t even shed a tear, fucking disgusting. 

She would have to tell Joy, she was the only person she had told she had been pregnant- she would know something was wrong. But, most of all she knew she would have to tell Eddie, eventually. She hadn’t even told him that she was pregnant yet, she kept chickening out. She had told herself it was because she didn’t have his number, but that wasn’t true- she easily could have gotten it. She had just been scared to tell him about their baby. A baby that was now gone and she hadn’t even told their father that they existed. God, she was awful. 

She looked at the kitchen counter and saw a yellow baby grow upon it, Joy had bought it for the baby.  
“Yellow is a good colour, Tricia, if you’re really not going to find out if it’s a girl or a boy. Yellow has no ties to either! It’s perfect.” Joy had beamed a few weeks prior.  
She didn’t find out, she never would she hadn’t reached 14 weeks yet, she was 12. She had twelve weeks with her precious baby, 12 weeks, 3 months. It wasn’t fair. Then it hit her, Eddie had had no weeks with their baby. Because she was so gutless. He would hate her. They had gotten into this predicament together…

3 months earlier…

Patricia had been dreading this party for two weeks, it was Joy and Jerome’s engagement party. Really, there was absolutely no way Patricia could get out of going. Joy was her best friend and Jerome was a really good friend, she was happy for them. But she knew he would be there. Eddie. They hadn’t seen or spoken to each other since their break up, a year and a half ago. Things had gotten too tough between the two of them, Eddie had moved to Scotland for work and the distance killed them. They had loved each other so much, but it wasn’t enough. Patricia knew it wouldn’t last, they were doomed, the universe didn’t want her to be happy. She had tried to find someone to talk to, in a furious attempt to avoid Eddie, but she couldn’t see any of the Anubis gang around. 

She sat at a table in the hotel’s function room. The whole room was decorated with ribbons and flowers and fairy lights. Joy really knew how to organise a party. Patricia had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t even noticed a certain cocky American starting to head towards her. She looked up and he was halfway across the room. She started to panic; she knew he had decided to talk to her to tell her how happy he had been. Without her. Her head filled with thoughts of the two guys she had dated in the past year and a half, how she maybe could have liked them had she let herself move on. She thought of how she forced herself to kiss and sleep with the first guy, she didn’t want Eddie to be her only one anymore, she had wanted to forget. Wait, if she had slept with other people, then Eddie definitely would have, she wouldn’t be the last person he had kissed, touched or slept with. The thought of Eddie being with someone else sent a sharp pain across Patricia’s chest.  
“Stop it. You’re broken up.” She thought to herself. 

After what felt like a lifetime, Eddie had reached her table. He stood in front of it staring down at her. Just like that, every memory, every kiss, every feeling Patricia had for Eddie Miller came flooding back. She was so overwhelmed, she just sat there gawking at him. 

Eddie smirked at her, “Hey, Yacker. Avoiding me?” 

That smirk. That god damn smirk. It always had the power to make her melt. She couldn’t show that this time, she had to be tough. “No.” Eddie raised an eyebrow at her, “Okay, maybe a little.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes placing himself down in the chair to her left. “No need to avoid me, just because we broke up it doesn’t mean we have to avoid each other like the plague.” 

Shit, he had mentioned the breakup. Patricia stared down at the floor willing it to swallow her whole. “Yeah, I guess.” She croaked out. 

“How have you been?” Eddie said, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. 

“Yeah, busy. And you?” Patricia replied equally as awkwardly. 

“Good. Actually, the job is going great.”

Patricia gasped, “Work good? Who the hell are you?”

Eddie rolled his eyes and smacked her arm playfully, “Oh shush.” 

“No, you.” She replied, smacking his arm harder. The two broke into a fit of laughter, God she had missed his laugh. She suddenly became aware that Joy, Jerome and Fabian were watching them. Great, Joy would have so many questions about this tomorrow. Eddie’s eyes followed Patricia’s and he rolled his eyes. He wouldn’t be able to talk to her properly down here, if they were all going to continue gawking at them. 

“Do you want to go upstairs and have a drink?” Eddie asked, knowing he was pushing his luck. 

“Upstairs?” Patricia was skeptical.

“Yeah, I got a room for tonight. Just to catch up without being gawked at.” 

Patricia looked back over at her friends, who’s eyes had not once left the pair. She nodded, “Lead the way… Slimeball.” 

Eddie’s face lit up at the sound of his old nickname, it wasn’t much but it was something, “Follow me.” 

The two made their way up to the room in silence. Once inside, Eddie headed straight to the mini bar while Patricia sat on the tiny couch. “So, what have you been up to?” she inquired.

“Oh, mostly working and getting drunk. A lot.” He chuckled at himself while handing Patricia a vodka and orange juice. She didn’t laugh with him. She knew what that meant, before Eddie came to Anubis, he would get drunk and sleep with whatever girl he came across. 

“Old habits die hard, don’t they?” she spat. Eddie’s face contorted into a state of confusion then within a second it lit up into a smirk, he knew what habits she was referring to. 

“When single, I suppose they do.” He was still smirking. 

Patricia felt a pit in her stomach and drank and drank until her drink was gone. 

“You know, you probably shouldn’t be bragging to your ex about your sex life.” She whispered. To anyone else it would look like sheer anger, but Eddie knew her better than that. She was hurt. 

He moved closer towards her, “Look, I didn’t mean to annoy you. But, I’m sure you slept with other people too in a year and a half. None of them came anything close, ok? I didn’t love them.” 

Patricia shook her head, this conversation had taken a turn she didn’t like. She didn’t do feelings, least of all with her ex who she was desperately trying to get over, “Another drink?” She said abruptly- desperately trying to change the subject. 

“Yeah. You have though, haven’t you?” Eddie choked out, his voice sounding very small. Patricia nodded and headed to the mini fridge.

They drank and they drank and they drank. Both were now completely bladdered and fighting.

“NO, it was your fault we broke up!” Patricia screamed.

“Mine? You dumped me! Again!” Eddie retorted.

“Because you moved to Scotland! The distance killed us!” Patricia croaked. 

“You mean, you missed kissing me and hugging me! The distance didn’t kill us, you being a selfish bitch killed us.” Eddie spat viciously. 

“Me? Selfish? You left me! Of course I missed kissing and hugging, I missed being in a relationship with someone who lived in the same country as me! I loved you…” Patricia said, her eyes drifting towards Eddie’s lips and settling there. 

He must have noticed because in one swift movement and his lips were on hers, it was passionate and urgent. As if they were catching up on the year and a half they had missed. They were standing now, Eddie leading Patricia over to the bed, kissing her all the while. He entwined his fingers with hers and broke the kiss for a split second to push her down on the bed. Their clothes were shed and …

The next morning Patricia woke up with a pounding headache, feeling chilly. She looked up and saw that her clothes had been abandoned all over the hotel floor. Then everything hit her like a tonne of bricks, she had slept with Eddie. She looked at the night stand and found a noted,  
“Yacker, I waited for you to wake up for as long as I could, but I had to go catch my plane. Here’s my new number if you ever want to talk… -Slimeball.”  
In Patricia’s rush out of the hotel room that day, she forgot to lift the note that had his number on it, that was her excuse when she eventually found out about their baby.

Present day…

Patricia felt awful. She was supposed to have more time to tell him. She had only intended on keeping it a secret for a while, only until she processed everything. She was supposed to have more time. But now? She had completely different news to deliver to Eddie at some point. Her baby- their baby was dead. If only she hadn’t of been so fucking selfish. She just had to get in that car, she just had to go record shopping. Patricia was a selfish bitch; the universe knew that- so it took her baby away. Karma.

Nothing mattered anymore. She was numb. So much potential, all gone. Patricia wasn’t all that pleased when she had first found out, but she had actually grown quite excited. She was excited to raise a baby, she was excited for a chance to finally do something right. She had been determined to be a good mother, she would not repeat the mistakes of her own parents. They had made her feel second best her entire life. It was always Piper, the only time that hadn’t been the case was when she was with Eddie, and even he had kissed Piper- but that was very clearly an accident. She vowed to never, ever make her child feel that way. They would come first, they wouldn’t spend years hating themselves, wishing upon every star to be someone else. No, she was going to make them feel loved, she would love them and hug and comfort them, no matter what. In her head, anyways. 

But all of that was stolen from her. She didn’t even get to try. 

Weeks passed; nobody saw Patricia. She had told Joy, over text. Joy called her hundreds of times, Patricia didn’t answer. She came to her house, knocked and knocked on the door, Patricia turned the lights off and refused to answer the door. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. She wanted to be alone, why did she not get that? She didn’t want to be pitied or consoled; it had been her fault. It was all her fault, she wanted to be left to hate herself in peace. With every minute, hour, day and week that passed, Patricia became more and more isolated from the outside world. She refused to live anymore, she refused to laugh or so much as crack a smile. She missed her baby, she missed feeling like a mother, she missed having a purpose. She felt empty. 

For the first time since she had lost her baby, Patricia decided to leave her house, to go to the cemetery. She knew her local cemetery had a part for all of the babies who were taken from the world too soon, the babies who didn’t even get a chance to live. She decided she would go there, and eventually get something put in her baby’s place. She decided that Charlie would be the baby’s name, it worked for a boy or a girl and she refused to call her child baby anymore, having Charlie have a name kept them real, in a way it kept Charlie still alive- in some ways anyways. Patricia knew that she had to use this space at the cemetery to remember Charlie just in case something happened to this house. In case something happened to the nursery that Joy had helped her make. The nursery walls were yellow, perfect for a boy or a girl, it had lots of little toys and it had scrapbooks containing sonogram photos. The scrapbooks were intended to document Charlie’s whole childhood, it would start with sonogram photos and end with a picture of Charlie on their 13th birthday. But, that would never happen, the sonogram photos only got so far and after that Charlie didn’t grow anymore. He would never grow anymore. She couldn’t accept that. 

She pulled her shoes on and went outside. It was a cold December day, the ground was icy and the winds were chilling. She had left the house in only leggings and a sweatshirt, she was freezing- but quite honestly, she didn’t care. She no longer cared about anything, only losing Charlie. She deserved to be cold, she deserved much worse. She shivered as she made her way towards the cemetery and she eventually made it there. 

She walked towards the special part of the cemetery and took it all in. It was covered in little plastic windmills, trains, teddies and bright colours. She stared at all the tiny memorials around the part. It was heart wrenching, so many babies who didn’t get the chance to live. Just like Charlie. She felt tears pricking her eyes and she no longer had the strength to hold them back, she let them fall. There Patricia Williamson stood, sobbing her heart out. She sobbed for all of the babies who never got to live, she sobbed for baby Charlie and she sobbed because she was so fucking angry at herself and her body for not being able to keep Charlie safe. She let them down, she had felt the baby growing inside her for three months and it was killing her that she couldn’t protect her own baby. It was as if the World knew that her pregnancy was one big mistake, it was testing her- but she did get into that car and she wasn’t able to stop anything from happening to her precious child. The World knew that Patricia would be a horrible mum, so it stopped her from becoming one and took her baby away. 

Patricia was so wrapped up in her thoughts, in her grief that she had become entirely oblivious to everything that was going on around her. She didn’t hear the footsteps approaching her, she didn’t see the twinkle of his smirk, but she did hear his voice. 

“Yacker? What are you doing here?” he said gesturing to the thousands of little memorials beside her. 

She froze on the spot. She couldn’t look up, he would know she had been crying- she would have to explain. She didn’t want to talk about it. Why did nobody understand that?

“Uh, Yacker?” Eddie tried again.  
Patricia kept her eyes firmly looking towards the ground. Eddie was starting to worry now, he knew things were weird between them. But she was the one who didn’t call him after they slept together three months ago. He placed his hand on her chin and tilted her head up towards him, warily. Her face was red and tear-stained, her eyes were puffy. She looked like she hadn’t slept in weeks. He took note of where they were and his heart started to pound. 

“Patricia, please talk to me. Why are you here?” he was looking straight at her face now, he knew she couldn’t avoid the question now. 

“Remembering.” She muttered. Once again, Eddie’s heart started to beat at an insane pace. 

“You don’t have a baby.” He whispered. 

“No, not anymore.” Her face was emotionless, like she had all of a sudden become numb. She wasn’t ready for this, she couldn’t talk about this, but he deserved to know that it was her fault that his baby, that he didn’t even know about, was dead. 

“I was pregnant, but Charlie is gone now.” 

“How long for?” Eddie had assumed this had happened before or after their night, it hadn’t even occurred to him that the baby was his.  
“Three months.” Patricia said moving her face away from his. 

“Wait, that would mean- the baby is mine?” Eddie stared at Patricia expectantly, all he got was a nod. “What the hell, Patricia! Why didn’t you tell me that you were pregnant? Why didn’t you tell me you lost it, for Christ’s sake!” He was screaming. 

“Don’t call my baby it, their name is Charlie.” Patricia whispered, “I didn’t tell you because you would have abandoned us, I was going to tell you about Charlie dying but I couldn’t ok! I couldn’t deal with talking about it, I still can’t so please Eddie, just fucking leave it!” 

“Leave it? I just found out that a baby I never knew I was having is dead. And don’t you dare give me that abandonment bullshit, you know what I went through with my own Dad. Why didn’t you tell me any of it?” Eddie was still yelling, he was so angry- how dare she do this? 

Patricia started sobbing again, she threw herself down onto her knees and just cried. She was shouting something but it might as well have been a foreign language. She was hitting the ground and screaming. She was hyperventilating and she just looked so broken. Eddie had barely ever seen her cry, never mind this hysterical. He didn’t know what to do, so he knelt down on the ground beside her. 

The crying had subsided slightly, and she started to speak again, “It was my fault. If I hadn’t have gotten into that car, my baby would still be alive. I should have been able to protect the baby, but my stupid body and my stupid selfishness killed Charlie. I fucking killed my own baby…” Her sobbing grew hysterical again and all Eddie could hear was random shouting. He pulled her into his arms trying to calm her down, he was still mad at her but clearly, she was already broken up enough about this. She started to hit his chest and trying to break free. He didn’t let go of her, he held her tightly and stroked her hair until he felt her breathing return to normal,

"Shush, it’s ok. It’s not your fault, Yacker. If you had of had any say in the matter, Patricia, the baby would still be her. But you still should have told me, I deserved to know.” He whispered into her ear. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. He smiled sympathetically at her, he honestly didn’t know how she had been dealing with this, he had known for less than ten minutes and his heart was breaking. 

“Did you talk to anyone?” he asked. 

She shook her head, “Joy knows, but I have been avoiding her calls and visits ever since. Today was the first time I’ve left my house.”  
Eddie looked down; he knew he shouldn’t be surprised the Patricia he knew never could communicate. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it, causing her to smile ever so slightly. He kissed her softly and very briefly. 

“I’m not going anywhere. We will get through this. Together.” He would never leave her again, he loved her with all of his heart- they were both in so much pain right now, that other people wouldn’t understand.

He was currently unsure if they were together or not, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was being with her. 

There they stood, in the cemetery holding each other tightly- crying their eyes out. Nothing would ever be the same again, but maybe just maybe they could get through it together. 

They would always have little Charlie, and Charlie would always be their Guardian Angel.


End file.
